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Report
from Lee
*note:
this report was written directly upon return from Great Yarmouth,
so the tone may contain some residual bitterness*
A monster weekend
of fail and AIDS took place at the freezing crappy chav-hole that
is Great Yarmouth on 25th-27th February 2010. Around 500 of the
best university players from all around the UK wasted their time
and money with this pointless exercise in collective misery and
humiliation. The whole agonising process was heightened by the fact
that every single cashpoint was broken, the weather was indicating
a nearing apocalypse, and the only food available was the greasiest
chips ever produced by man.
It began badly
in the individual championship as Phil was the only person to have
won his first game by the last 256 round, at which point he lost.
The only shining light for the LSE was new kid James Ashley and
his courageous/suicidal playing strategy. After a scrappy first
hill-hill game against a Reading player he was on fire, dishing
here, doubling there, occasionally smacking the balls around but
always managing to find a pocket. His last 128 and last 64 matches
were masterclasses in attacking pool, any time he was at the table
it seemed he could clear, no matter what the situation was. His
last 32 match saw some chinks in the armour with the occasional
choke, but he held his nerve and in the final frame pulled out a
signature James shot: munt the black at full force around the table.
It worked.
The last 16
match against one of the Ulster guys was looking awesome as James
went 3-0 up in a race to 4. Then things started going wrong, James
had chances to finish in every frame that followed, but some agonising
misses resulted in it going hill-hill. When the Ulster guy went
to the toilet the referee asked James if that was his second toilet
visit, which it was - apparently this meant immediate disqualification.
As James relayed this information he seemed a tad surprised that
the reaction from his opponent wasn't "ah roight, dat's grand,
rules are rules to be sure, good luck to ye in the next round, ya
wee dancer ye" but instead squared up to him in full headbutt-mode.
Fortunately for James' skull the referee said that as he didn't
witness the first toilet break, there was no disqualification. The
Ulster player apologised to James for his aggressive reaction and
then won the final frame to put James out - hugely disappointed
with not capitalising on his chances but still happy to have got
so far (and to have won £45 for doing so).
Team Championship
Things got worse
in the team competition. On the first day both the 1st team (Main
Championship) and the 2nd team (Shield) lost their first matches
and drew their second, with both teams playing like stupid twats.
To quote James, "I can't believe we drawed against Cardiff
after being 5-2 up!"
The second day
gave us false hope as both teams performed better, with the 2nds
destroying their embarrassingly atrocious opposition to find themselves
eventually through the group stage and into the last 16 of the shield.
The 1st team beat Glasgow 6-2, the highlight being Alpesh and Will
having a race to pot the black on their respective tables in order
to bump up their stats. This was our first and last fleeting moment
of joy for the whole weekend, as we then lost to Plymouth following
some ridiculous choking. The result was that we didn't get in the
top 2 of the group to go through. Fortunately however our back-up
plan was still alive, as third place teams were eligible to play
in the team Trophy. Oh wait sorry, that's wrong, we actually came
4th. We didn't even qualify for the goddamn trophy. At this point
we decided that it would be best to pack up our stuff and leave,
spending all of Sunday in the bath trying to wash off the stink
of failure.
The 2nd team
however were still in with a chance of bringing some glory back
to the LSE. Through to the last 16, if they won that match they
would have qualified for the main championship next year! They started
off by losing the first 4 frames lol. Also, Dan was beaten by what
can only be described as a little girl. No seriously, it really
was actually, literally, a little girl. I didn't see that particular
game, but I was told she was apparently really good (no, she wasn't),
and there was even some speculation that she may play women's county
(no, she doesn't). It was a girl, Dan, a little girl. A little girl
who played on a university 3rd team. Plymouth University's 3rd team,
to be precise. Plymouth, that world-famous powerhouse of 8-ball
excellence. Their 3rd team. A girl.
Ok, I think
we've got the message about that. Things started looking up when
MOR-TON, DESTROYER OF WORLDS, continued his spectacular
form of the day to get them back into it, and eventually it was
5-4 to the LSE. It was left to Rob in the final frame to clear up,
and he pulled off some insanely good shots to get onto the black
- sadly however he missed and went in-off, resulting in a score
of 5-5 and a playoff. Yibo destroyed his opponent and sank the black,
only to foul at the same time. Then Alvin lost his and we were out,
but fortunately for Dan's self-esteem, his playoff frame against
the tiny little girl didn't finish so he didn't technically
lose to her twice.
Not to be outdone
by the losses however, we gallantly marched towards the evening's
speed pool event, thus attempting to inject a little bit of fun
into an otherwise miserable day. Nah just kidding, we skulked off
to our igloos, packed up our stuff and got the hell out of there.
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Lowlights
from the weekend
1. Alvin offering
Michael Potter a money match for £1000 against Potter's £100,
with Potter playing cack-handed and Alvin playing with his left
hand. The match never happened following heated discussion and the
realisation from both parties that it might perhaps have been a
really, really bad idea..
2. Lee choking
2 consecutive easy shots against Plymouth in the most important
match of the weekend.
3. Alpesh getting
2 visits against Matt Tugby with 5 open balls on the table, then
proceding to nudge the cueball 2 inches with a miscue on his first
shot.
4. Alvin drunkenly
offering to fight several of the lse pool team for no comprehensible
reason.
5. Dan getting
beaten by a girl.
6. Martin almost
beating Glen Spalling in the flyer.
7. James chirpily
relaying a rule to his Ulster opponent in the last 16 that he would
be disqualified for taking 2 toilet breaks, when the score was 3-3,
first to 4. Headbutt narrowly avoided.
8. Martin's
individual 1st round match taking 2.5 hours. It was a race to 3.
First
Team Player Statistics
Name |
Frames
Won |
Win
% |
| Alpesh |
5/7 |
71.4% |
| Will |
4/6 |
66.7% |
| Lee |
4/8 |
50% |
| James |
3/8 |
37.5% |
| Martin |
1/7 |
14.3% |
Second
Team Player Statistics (coming soon)
Name |
Frames
Won |
Win
% |
| Yibo |
8/10 |
80% |
| Rob |
6/9 |
66.7% |
| Dan |
7/12 |
58.3% |
| Michael |
6/11 |
54.5% |
| Alvin |
4/9 |
44.4% |
| Phil |
0/4 |
0% |
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